The Diaper Problem

Let’s talk shop, baby shop. If you really want to be Dad, then you need to get yourself ready for some extra duties. Gentlemen I’m talking about diapers. We’ve all seen the Hollywood movie dad who goes full haz-mat gear to change a diaper, but let me stop you right there. Hollywood knows basically zilch about how the real world actually works.

If your baby is breastfed, then there is almost no smell at all for several months. So that is a big win in the diaper changing department for everyone. Formula-fed babies do have smelly poop, though it not as bad as the last time you had Uncle Harry’s chili. Plus all experts agree that breastfeeding is the very best thing you can do for your new baby. It is the way God intended us to feed our babies after all. Let’s be honest, He knows a bit more than we do. Honestly I think not having smelly poop for the first couple months is God’s way of warming us up to the idea of caring for the messy task of keeping our baby’s behind clean.

So here is the next piece of advice for you:

Change diapers.
Start immediately.
Refine your technique.

You should change every diaper, every single diaper, while you help your beloved wife recover in the hospital. Yes, you should be there, no question, no excuses. Change them all. Yes, I know the neonatal nurse will come in and change it for you. Don’t be a pansy. Change them all. Every single one of them. Don’t even let your wife change them, she has been through enough already and her body needs a break. If you need help, then ask one of the nurses, but under no circumstances should you weasel out of this.

Side note: Not only should you change diapers, but you need to learn how to roll and close the dirty ones too. Don’t be a Neanderthal and try to toss a soiled diaper without closing it properly. It is both science and art, and with practice you can seal up virtually everything inside before disposing of it.

So anyways, the smell. Seriously, get over yourself. Open up that jar of catfish bait in your tackle box and take a big whiff of that. Did you toss your cookies? Probably not. Which means you can handle a diaper change. And even once the smell arrives, usually with the introduction of real food, you already have practice. You have changed hundreds of diapers already, and you should be like a Formula-1 pit crew by then. Yes I mean hundreds. Your baby will need a change every two hours for a while, it adds up. So, you will already know what to expect, and you can get it done in seconds. However if the smell really is too much for you to handle, then get yourself a stick of strong mint gum. Pop that in right before going about your duty and it will help overpower your olfactories with mint to dampen the smell.

Change diapers. Even after you get home from the hospital, keep changing diapers. Even when you go back to work, change diapers when you get home. She has done it for 9 hours while you’re away. Tap in and do your part if you really want to be a Dad. Fathers don’t change diapers, Dads do.

Because any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.

Author: Phillip

Phillip is a dad of three boys married to a beautiful dedicated woman. An aspiring artist and science fiction author. He has been an IT professional for the past 15 years. He is currently working on a full-length sci-fi novel, but he also makes small drawings/watercolors for his school-age son's lunchbox and occasionally pretends to be a comedian. He also still struggles with putting two spaces at the end of sentences.